After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
