Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
