Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize