can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
