I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
