Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
