just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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