none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize