I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
