i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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