so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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