Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
