Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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