Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
