Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
he just fucked me for my cheese..
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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