In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
My underwear smells like fireworks.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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