they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
