Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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