if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
