her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
