I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Randomize
