I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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