you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
You took a bar mat shot.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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