that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
