I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I didn't notice because vodka
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
