And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize