Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
