it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
