I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
