Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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