It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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