i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize