guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
