when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
