The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
