so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
