i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
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