so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
