So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
