you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Randomize
