He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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