i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Just cropdusted the office
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
