there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I didn't notice because vodka
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
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