I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
