I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
