I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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