Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
