I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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