but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
