You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Houston, we have a squirter
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
