i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
