Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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