is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
