so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
