If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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