I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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