3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
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