ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
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