i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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