I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
