found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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