I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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