I'm gonna have a badass scar
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Edward fifth and chaser hands
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
