trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
