I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
