K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
