i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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