ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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