He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize